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22 Mar 2018

NYSC Diary: My Fulani Herdsmen Experience - A Distressed Omobutty

Dear diary,

Its been a long while since I penne own anything, but I must confess, serving the Nigerian government should be on 1000 Ways To Die! Juggling that with a side hustle, now I understand why we are all angry in this country. Heard the Dapchi girls were released, yaayy! Heard we paid 5 million Euros and released some captured Boko Haram insurgents, WHAT??! Heard The Government said no ransom was paid, WHAT A WAWU?! Anyways, just glad those kids are back home with their parents and RIP to the Five who died.
So my story for today is one that I could only laugh at after about 24 hours because trust me, I have never been a daredevil before, but this Khaki and jungle boots be doing things to my pysche mahn! Last week Wednesday, was on my way back to turn from my village PPA. Phew!! After teaching from 8:40am to 5pm, on an empty stomach, I was mentally trying to decide if sleep, a shower or food should come first. All this was me trying to distract myself from the fact that I had been trekking for about 15 minutes and haven't seen any bike. So there I was all by myself, on the lonely bush part, looking at roofs from the town in the far horizon when I heard the telltale sounds of a bike, chai! The joy on my tired face yeah? Indescribable! Saw the elderly man, I don't know if it was the way I looked or something else, but this dear man, carried me for 100 naira, instead of 200 naira! Chai, see me already calculating my bottle of cold Pepsi and two pure water.

I believe, you've heard of the Fulani Herdsmen and the havoc some have wrecked in many communities in Nigeria. Did you also know that in February and this March they had killed about 20 in Ogun State, especially in this area where I am serving with plenty farms and grasses. Well, to say the least, nerves here were high strung like in the glory days of Baddo.

Here I was on the 20 minute slow ride back to civilisation with this baba telling me all about his Children in Laspotech when we came upon a group of herdsmen, about  6 of them, armed as usual with machetes and rods. Let me not lie, I was still playing it cool, after all my future is bright, but it's like baba okada just finished talking bad about the Fulani herdsmen, you know that spirit of flight when you''re talking bad about someone who can beat you and that person suddenly appears in front of you? CHIMO! Baba okada took off like a Formula1 racer! Holy Jubudaiah! So this okada can speed like this? See me holding on to his dirty jacket like I was riding with bae on his power bike. This road that on a usual day can cause backache and stomach upset with all the twist and turns and gallops, that day it was like abortion central, I felt my unborn babies being rattled in the womb. I started to fear or my life now, not because of the herdsmen but the thought of falling from this bike and surviving didn't feel possible.

After about 2 minutes of nsane riding, baba okada started to slow down and say they were dangerous blah blah blah. Me I knew that nothing could happen to me because me and God have a solid plan for my life, don't tell anybody o, bhet I dinor think baba has that type of deal with God. By the time we got to my junction he was already cursing the herdsmen again. Me I was sha glad I got home, imagine my joy at seeing light, with cold pepsi and Daddy Deborah's puffpuff plus my new episodes of Lucifer and Jane The Virgin, I didn't sleep or have my bath till night! Thank God the next day was CDS, got waking up late on lock!



Written By: Shalz Ekelaka (Content Writer, 247NNU)
shalzekelaka@gmail.com
Facebook: Shalz Ekelaka
Instagram: @mzshalzekelaka

Chronicles Of A Distressed Omobutty is a compendium of the life experiences of an omobutty in the city of Lagos

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