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20 Jan 2018

NYSC Diary: Trailers and Okada! My Near Death Experience - A Distressed Omobutty

As a corps member, the only thing more annoying than the late payment of alawee is the Thursday four hour torture popularly called CDS. I don't  know if it's fun in other states or local governments o, but my own is super boring. Don't even know members of my CDS group sef. Thank God for whatsapp group and the ability to know days we will take attendance.
Anyways, enough of my sulking, let me tell you the experience I had that I just had to share on my online diary.

Woke up around 5:30 that Thursday like every other day of the week. Went through the normal process of vexing for my biological clock and forcing myself back to sleep, after all no work today, just gotta go sign in at the secretariat by 9.

After turning in bed for like an hour, I can't really tell if it was thirst or a full bladder that robbed me of sleep but I was sha very awake by 6. Ngwanu, day is breaking finish, let me just wake the wake. To God be the glory for Ogun NEPA that have small sense, I did my exercises, people say I like to keep fit...lol 😂, if only they knew I did it just to have bikini bod (don't show my daddy please). After my fitfam routine and prayers I started to watch Vikings, the series, always laughing at intervals like Floki...sure my neighbors think I'm insane by now.

To cut long story short, I left my humble abode around 11am, that way I will be bored for only one hour during CDS and still get to sign out by 12 noon. Leaving the CDS venue, I decided not to walk half the trip home like I normally do and spend 50 naira on transport instead of 200. I sha called one bike and after explaining where I was going though the aboki still looked confused, I volunteered to show him the way since he already knew my major junction....truth is my enthusiasm to enter his bike was because he charged #150 instead of #200. Ha! Ijebu spending will get me pregnant.

Climbing his bike with seat baked hot by the sun, I and my neighbor who is also a corps member kept praying for gallops which threw us up and gave brief relief to our smarting butts.

Speeding like it was a power bike, this aboki passed my junction. "Errh, eskis minsta man, you aff passed my junction, biko turn around". Na him aboki say make I no worry we go pass another road; in the age of new year new covenant renewal? Bros abeg turn back and pass where I sabi, nigg didn't answer, kept his finger on the pedal and kept going. Me I just cleared him then that if he doesn't pass good road that I know as the way to my house his money has reduced to #100. My neighbor said "Shalz chill, I know where he will pass", so I chilled. We got to the other junction and the road was hella busy with trailers full of who knows what coming from who knows where. Other bikes and motorists were waiting for these trailers and their heavy load to pass but this Okada man that a spiritual power will help me to punish decided to squeeze past between two trailers.

Wa!! Shey oo ya weyrey sha? My life flashed before my eyes in slow motion, on my both sides I could smell the exhaust of the trailer at my left and feel the heat of the other trailer oncoming rain over me. Bobo yi fe fimi se bloody trailer sandwich sha. God forbid bad thing. See people screaming, out of body experience like never before. I was shouting at the man but I didn't know what I was saying.

Oga drop me o, God will not allow them use me to do tragic headline in 2018. My neighbor say calm down, let me just say it now that I'm not entering vehicular transport with that my neighbor again. It can't work Oloun.

As I dinor know this new road I sha continued vexing for the aboki power biker man, still raking at the back of his silent head as he tried maneuvering his way on this very horrible road.

Oga slow down abeg, he was forming Formula1 racer, na so Okada fall. Ha! Thank God for khaki, jungle boots and all the jumping during Man'o'War drills in camp. My neighbor and I with some spiritual coordination from my God jumped off the bike before it landed on us.

And that's where I lost it, raking in English, Igbo and Yoruba interchangeably to an Hausa man who had only said "I know the flace? Na one pipty" to me and didn't even look like he felt he did something bad. Ha, ayemi temi ba mi! Is this how saving 50 naira will kill me?

People started to gather o but I didn't care, the fear and adrenaline pushing me at that moment was something I had never felt before. After all my shouting and his feeble attempts to talk over me I dusted the part of my khaki that touched the ground and started walking away.

That's how this unfortunate human that seemed to have an urgent appointment with Satan or death that day started shouting for his money. With the crowd backing "copashun" I turned to him and told him the 100 naira I was meant to give him is what I sacrificed to the land when we passed unhurt between the trailers and the remaining 50 naira is on the ground where my knee touched beside his bike. He's free to start scraping it from the ground.

I wasn't cut out for this, this is not me. I am the take Taxify to work and ride home with Uber kind of person, but there I was losing all decorum and home training as if a dj just started playing Oshozondi. Ha NYSC, Oga Gowon? Is this what you had in mind?

That's how I sha walked away o, thankfully twas the street behind mine so I could easily figure out my way home. Still stony faced and pissed off, I branched mummy Balkis shop to buy one sinfully cold bottle of Pepsi. With such calmness, opened the gate to my compound, dug out my keys from my pocket, opened my door, used teeth to open the Pepsi, took like three gulps then I dissolved on the floor and started crying. Anger at the Okada man, at NYSC, at NEPA for taking light by past 10 which made me think of going to CDS, at Nigerian government that made me think of the 50 naira I will save, at my neighbor for being so calm, but most of all tears of gratitude to God for keeping me alive.

This happened weeks ago o, people say I should forgive the Okada man but I don't think I can forget. This just became one of the days I will never forget in life.

PS: I didn't climb Okada till the next week, thank God keke cannot speed and jumping out from it is easier.

Countdown
93 days till POP, Jah bless Nigeria and keep all corps members safe.




Written By: Shalz Ekelaka (Content Writer, 247NNU)
shalzekelaka@gmail.com
Facebook: Shalz Ekelaka
Instagram: @mzshalzekelaka

Chronicles Of A Distressed Omobutty is a compendium of the life experiences of an omobutty in the city of Lagos

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