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28 Dec 2017

Bad Food, Just A State Of Mind: My NYSC Diary (4) - A Distressed Omobutty

So this is not the normal story you were waiting for me to drop yeah, I know, but mehn this thing that happened to me last week ehn, I no just fit shout. I was literally stuck in a place of I cannot comman goan die! Eez not possible.
Let me gist you what happened; there I was in my small green painted apartment beside my PPA in Ogijo, Ogun State, wracking my head on what type of questions to set for those minions Federal Government forcefully placed under my care, when this thought from nowhere hit me: COOK JOLLOF RICE. Mmmm, this was around 7pm in the night, I didn't have fresh pepper and all the other ingredients that differentiated concoction from jollof, so i dumped my half empty page of questions and rushed to the market.

After all the wahala of cooking sha, I chop belleful and watched film till I slept, after all, tomorrow is Saturday I will set all the questions then.

Waking up Saturday o, see fog everywhere, harmattan breeze forming winter, as someone who didn't want to refill gas before school closed for the year I figured, weather is cold, food no go spoil. Like play like play o, i kept telling myself weather is cold even when hot sun started shining. Around 4pm sha, I decided to enter 100 naira bike to market to buy plantain and demolish the remaining rice from yesterday.

Put in mind say I never chop anything since morning o, was forming most busy teacher upandan the environment. I came back, enter my tiny kitchen, cut plantain with swagger into small squares, used butter to fry it so it will be fluffy and also because my oil will soon finish, but who cares, I sha fried sexy plantain and couldn't wait to pour it on my sweet rice.

That's how I opened rice pot to warm o, and the rice started to draw like they sprinkled small okro water on it. Ehn? Are you mad?? Something will happen rai now o! *in Lasisi's voice* After me i've spent two hundred naira on transport to buy plantain, I've done shakara on my plantain, you this rice now wantu be forming spoil spoil for me? I'm a last born o, spoil is my middle name.

I sha left the rice on low fire sha, almost thirty minutes till it started popping like popcorn, only thought in my mind, after all mad people never die of food poisoning, besides is it not only small draw?? Eat rice with plenty plantain and it won't taste bad, I also had the genius thought to by very cold Pepsi to combat any foreign taste that wanted to insert reggae into my blues.

Omo mehn, after all my planning and decision to eat the rice like that ehn, I dumped the food after like 10 spoons, hian! Very horrible taste, nobody told me to quickly go and buy bread and wash that one down with Pepsi like one hungry migrant returning from Libya.

But for those 10 spoons sha o, plus my stress on top the plantain, that rice was just doing itself. It won in the end o, but everyday for the thief, one day for the owner.




Written By: Shalz Ekelaka (Content Writer, 247NNU)
shalzekelaka@gmail.com
Facebook: Shalz Ekelaka
Instagram: @mzshalzekelaka

Chronicles Of A Distressed Omobutty is a compendium of the life experiences of an omobutty in the city of Lagos.

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