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23 Sep 2017

Six forgotten angles to sexual pleasure

It is commonly believed that at some point in marriage, many couples cease to attach as much importance to sex as they used to do. To them, sex becomes a mere obligation, not the exciting experience that it is meant to be.
Really, it does feel frustrating when spouses can no longer keep the fire in their sex lives aglow. As commonly believed also, many couples do not know that there are many angles to sexual pleasure. So, in this article and the next, we are going to be exploring the angles to sexual pleasures.

One … Applicable relevant information is the number one primary angle to a very erotic pleasure between husband and wife. What you do not know about sex can hurt you and your spouse quite badly. The reason is that human sexuality continues to develop, adapt to changes in hormonal influence and reveal new information on a regular basis. This development or the resulting information is sometimes based on the couple’s personal traits, exposure and beliefs.

Two … Do you know that initiating sexual intercourse is not the only way to express how much you desire your spouse? Although eighty per cent of married couples report that the husband wants sex more than the wife, this may be a twisted number, partly because of the way we define sexual desire. Most of us on the average think of sexual desire as hunger for sex, which is often accompanied with sexual fantasies that prompt us to initiate sex. It turns out, however, that most women experience a friendly and affectionate type of sexual desire. Research confirms that for many women, desire is ‘triggered’ by thoughts and emotional recollection of past events or sexual arousal especially when such image of trigger is their husbands. So, when a husband becomes frustrated because he wants his wife to pursue him sexually which she is not doing, he is actually not giving her enough credit! Most women will respond positively to sexual advances. They just do not initiate them because that is not the way they were created. Since our culture defines sexual desire as that initiating or seeking behaviour, we don’t identify some women’s receptivity as desire. But men and women (usually) respond to different types of sexual stimuli and approach their sexuality in different ways. This is a key area of misunderstanding between husbands and wives. Many women have written to me to say, ‘I enjoy sex once we are 10 to 15 minutes into foreplay and I think, wow, we should do this more often! But during the week, I hardly ever think about it. I wish I felt more sexual than I do, because I enjoy the closeness it brings.”

Others will say, ‘I enjoy sex more whenever I remember one or two affectionate things my husband has done.” Most of us assume that our partners should act like we do. By recognising that most men are down to earth with sex and most women are unthinking unless they can reactivate a romantic image of their husbands and then by accepting and respecting those differences, we can allow a woman’s type of sexual desire to ‘count.’

Three … Breastfeeding has a direct link to sexual frequency. A low sex drive is extremely common after childbirth and even throughout the first year, particularly in breastfeeding women. Many couples do not realise the impact childbirth and breastfeeding can have on their sex life. Prolactin, the hormone that produces breast milk, also lowers sexual drive, though scientists still cannot tell us why till now. Breastfeeding women frequently feel tired and overwhelmed during the early months of breastfeeding. Yet their husband’s sex drive has not lessened at all. In fact, most time it is usually on the highest intensity because the presence of Prolactin hormone in a breastfeeding lady makes a woman look fresh, tender and desirable.  Apart from the fact that the woman is tired, her attention usually shifts from him to the baby. Her diminished urge to touch, cuddle or to have sex may prompt increased pressure from him which is typically counter-productive. The result is an increasing gap between what he wants and what she wants. Many couples, whether breastfeeding or bottle feeding, are not prepared for the multiple changes each baby, especially the first, adds to their relationship. They believe they will pass over those first four to six weeks and then resume their sexual relationship without a hitch. These unrealistic expectations can lead to a great deal of disappointment, frustration and conflict. Libido does not usually ‘bounce back’ to the pre-pregnancy stage until several months after a mom quits breastfeeding-sometimes as long as one year after stopping. If couples realise this is common, it might help to discuss when exactly to stop, the pros and cons of breastfeeding and bottle feeding and the adjustments required to adapt as a couple through this time.

Four … Also, most women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. More than sixty per cent of women must have direct clitoral stimulation in order to climax. In fact, believing that a woman should achieve orgasm through intercourse alone is like expecting a man to reach orgasm by only stroking his testicles. Do not ignore the facts of anatomy. A woman’s clitoris is similar to the head (glans) of the man’s penis. Often the clitoris is not stimulated by intercourse. If the head of the penis wasn‘t involved in intercourse, he wouldn’t come very quickly to orgasm, either! This does not mean that it is proper for a man to reach for his wife’s clitoris immediately. Women come in all shapes and sizes-physically, emotionally, and particularly, sexually, so the only safe way to approach her clitoris is to find out what she wants and what she likes. It is only few and rare women that are okay with ‘starting’ quickly for their clitoris; most women will be offended or turned off if their husband goes straight to their clitoris first and skip fondling the non- sexual areas. Like the penis, the clitoris engorges with blood during arousal. Touching her before she is aroused can be unpleasant, or even painful to most women. Again, most women differ greatly in the way they enjoy having their clitoris stimulated and the manner of stimulation can vary during the different stages of lovemaking. It is helpful (and can be fun) for a wife to show her husband how she wants to be stroked by placing her hand over his own and actually putting pressure on his fingers to demonstrate where she likes to be touched, how lightly or firmly, and how slowly or quickly she likes the movements to be.

Five … Do you know that there is a thin line between a turn on and turn off? And that the best sex occurs when married lovers know the difference. You can call them ‘brake and accelerators.’ Your sexuality is like driving a car. You cannot go real far, real fast, or without damage. Sexual brakes are those things that hinder your arousal or enjoyment of sex. Some common examples include making love when you are exhausted, feeling criticised by your partner, competing with an invisible ex-sex partner, or trying to be sexually intimate when your in-laws are staying in the bedroom next door, or when there is just not enough security and privacy, or when the man is always under undue pressure of anxiety of performance. Sexual accelerators are those things that lead to greater interest and arousal. Some might be feeling rested and relaxed, share compliments and affirmations about each other’s character and body, or daydream about positive sexual experiences with their spouses.  But some of the biggest problems come when one spouse thinks he is accelerating, while his mate is feeling the brakes. One big truth we cannot shy away from is the fact that every couple will face a sexual problem at one point or the other during their marriage. In fact, some estimates say 80 per cent of couples will experience a sexual problem so significant that it will be obvious. Hurts, un-forgiveness, sadness, grief, stress, medications, illness, exhaustion, pregnancy and childbirth, parenting, spiritual issues, trauma, hormones, diet, lack of exercise (or overdoing strenuous exercise), injury, so many things affect our sexuality!

Six … A neglected angle that can make sex awesome is the ‘G’ spot area. Men and women have a ‘G’ spot area, the ‘G’ spot of a man is the prostate gland located at the base of the bladder at the back of the penis. It can be felt if a slight pressure is applied to the base of the penis close to the bladder. Contrary to many opinions, every woman has a ‘G’ spot location or area. To achieve the ‘G’-spot paradise in wives, all the husbands need is information. The detailed information of how husbands can utilise the stimulating power of ‘G’-spot to boost the couples’ sex life is a very good angle to great sex. Even if you have not explored its exclusive power, you must have heard about the ‘G’-spot and all its intricacies.


Author: Funmi Akingbade

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