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Tuesday, 29 November 2016

I’ve just had my husband’s baby and now he’s cheating on me with my 22-year-old SISTER

Dear Deidre

I HAVE just discovered that my husband has been having an affair with my younger sister.
We’ve been married for only two years and I’ve just had his baby — so I’m devastated.
I am 30. I was married before but left my first husband because I’d fallen in love with my current one.
He is 45 and was also married before.
I have since discovered he cheated on her as well.
My sister is much younger than me — 22 and still a student.
I was like a mother to her when she was growing up.
She has been coming to us in the holidays because our parents live abroad.
I had no idea she and my husband were sneaking around the house, having sex, whenever I was at work or when my back was turned.
I came across them whispering more than once and, on one occasion, I found her jeans in our bedroom.
I thought they were mine and tried to get into them but when I found they were too tight, I realised they were hers.
I convinced myself that it was a mix-up in the wash but I think that deep down I knew something was wrong.
Another time it suddenly started raining and my husband came in from the garden soaking wet and obviously bothered.
My sister was nowhere to be seen and I think she came in later, also very wet.
I found pools of water on the kitchen floor and wondered where they came from.
Again, I think I knew they had been out there together.
The secret looks and moving apart when I entered the room got beyond a joke and I finally plucked up the courage to confront them about it.
Their faces told me I was right.
The next morning my sister moved out, to a friend’s home but my husband just carried on as though nothing had happened.
I feel so let down.
How could they do this to me?

DEIDRE SAYS: You have your new baby to consider but if your husband still loves you and wants to stay married, you and he will have to figure out together why he found it so easy to give in to temptation.
It’s no excuse but did he feel side-lined by your pregnancy and the baby?
Or is he simply a serial cheat and sees little wrong in what he has done?       
 In that case you might be better off without him rather than always living with doubts about what he might be getting up to.
Spell out to him that this is make or break. My e-leaflet Cheating – Can You Get Over It? can help you both.
Your sister may always have wanted what you have but she is old enough not to give in to temptation and it was a terrible betrayal.
Take your time but it’s sad to lose a sister.
Again, understanding may lead to forgiveness.

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