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29 Nov 2016
I’ve fallen in love with HIM but he insists we are just friends with benefits
THERE’S a man who I’m madly in love with. We have fabulous sex but he says we’re just that “friends with benefits” thing.
I used to work with this guy in a big hardware store. I’m 23 and he’s 26. That was three years ago now and I fancied him right from the start.
One night he offered to drive me back home at the end of the day and that led to us having sex in his car.
That worked out so well it was soon quite a regular thing.
I thought he was keen on me but he then started making excuses about not having time any more.
I found a new job and I didn’t see him for ages.
Four months ago I was so shocked to see him again in the pub that I just didn’t know how to react. He said hello and he seemed really happy to see me.
He bought me some drinks and then later he walked me back home. We had sex in the park on the way and he said that he’d missed me a lot.
It got even better than that when he invited me back to his flat. Four Friday nights in a row we were there having sex in his very own bed.
I was sad when he said he was going to Spain with a couple of mates but he said it had all been arranged for a while.
When he came back he brought me a beautiful bracelet but he also told me about all the girls he’d been pulling out there. I felt very confused. We’re now back in our normal routine, sex every Friday but no word in between.
He says he doesn’t want anything serious but then he objects to me going out with my friends as he says there will be men “sniffing round”.
My mum says I should leave him before I get hurt and my friends say the same, but I’m so much in love that I can’t.
DEIDRE SAYS: Are you sure you’re in love or just desperate to feel wanted – if only for a while. There’s not even friendship in this so-called “friends with benefits” thing.
Something, or more likely someone, has probably knocked your confidence somewhere along the line so you have no belief in yourself.
Your mum and your friends know that you deserve so much more and you’re not going to get it from him. Listen to them. Get a sexual health check and move on from this man.
Go out with your friends and enjoy being young. Follow your interests and find things that make you feel happy with life.
Give it time and you’ll find someone better who offers you love and respect not just sex when it suits. My e-leaflet Raising Self-Esteem can help.