29 Nov 2016

I’m facing an unplanned pregnancy with a girl I really love… but she’s my sister

Dear Deidre

I’VE been having a passionate relationship with my sister. Now she is pregnant and the baby is mine.
I know we should never have got involved like this but she is a great girl and I love her.
I am 25 and she is 22. Our parents split up when I was seven. Dad took me to live with his parents. It was a bitter split and I didn’t see much of my sister after that.
We met now and then at family gatherings and got on really well. We both left home as soon as we could and started seeing more of one another. Our friends got on and I always found her attractive.
I was there for her when her last boyfriend dumped her and it seemed the most natural thing in the world to give her a cuddle to comfort her. But one night everything got out of hand. It was late, we’d had a few drinks and it seemed easier for her to stay over.
I have one bedroom and one bed so we shared it and, while it was a terrible mistake, a sexual relationship began.
It felt amazing to be close to her in such a special way. It was totally unlike how I’d felt having sex with girls before. She started spending more time at mine than at hers and we had to lie to friends to keep it a secret. It was always a worry that someone might put two and two together.
I’ve tried to end it many times but she will have none of it. She says I am the only person in the world who really cares about her. Our mum is very difficult.
I just melt when my sister cuddles up to me. I haven’t had the strength to go against her. Now she tells me she is pregnant. I don’t know what to do.
DEIDRE SAYS: You must know sex with a brother or sister is incest and against the law.
But growing up apart means you didn’t develop the normal instinctive barriers. Your sister always felt unloved too, which made her extra vulnerable.
Maybe she hopes a baby would love her unconditionally but I’m afraid it could all end very sadly. Babies are very demanding and your sister needs support herself.
Emphasise the difficulties she will face if she has this baby and urge her to talk honestly with a counsellor.
My e-leaflet on Unplanned Pregnancy explains support. If she goes ahead, please don’t abandon her – or your child.
Of course you must stop having sex together, so stop seeing one another at home and meet outside.
Try to broaden your social lives so you see more of other friends.

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